Well this week was interesting! I've been working on
doing everything I can to open my heart and learn to love Poland again. It's
been really hard because of everything that happened last time I was here. BUT, I've been making some progress. Last Pday we went
around Warsaw with Elders Coutu and Wynn, and saw a bunch of really cool
things. We ended up going to the top of Stalin's Tower that was built in the
very center of Warsaw, where you can look out over the whole city. It was pretty
cool! My birthday was Tuesday, and it felt great to receive all of the
emails/letters/love from everybody back home. I had a really good birthday. We
made pancakes in the morning and had to improvise on the syrup, so that was a
little interesting! We've been trying to go out more and more and push through
the pain bit by bit. It's been pretty gnarly to say the least. I've learned a
lot about controlling pain and it feels like my pain tolerance is 100X better
than it was a few months ago, so that's pretty cool! We went street-teaching a
few times for an hour or so and it was fine. I have to take breaks and sit down
for a little while, but at least we were inviting people! We even went tracting
out in Piaseczno(30 minutes south of warsaw), and did some of that, so that was
enjoyable!
I really learned this week how much we can actually gain
from fasting. As missionaries, there's
actually a rule not to fast more than one time/month... I guess they don't want
us passing out all over the place with all our fasting or something lol. So
I've been saving that fast, and was able to use it yesterday on fast sunday
with the ward. It was amazing. I've been
feeling like I've been drowning all week, and just couldn't get my head above
water. Ever time I started getting things under control, something new would
happen and I'd be right back down where I was. During and after my fast, I have
felt SO good. I have all of this added strength and capacity to exercise faith
that has been sooo needed in my life through these trials. I haven't felt this
good spiritually in a long time. The Lord even humbled me even more on Sunday
when they asked me to translate sentence for sentence during testimony meeting.
Translating is hard enough, but translating up in front of every body word for
word members' stories and feelings and experiences is SUPER hard. I've gained a
lot of humility over the past few months, and that experience helped me even
more. It was cool to see the difference between the way I reacted, and the way
I know I would have reacted a few months ago. I needed that. Sunday night, we
got invited over to the Carter's house(an American family working for the
embassy in our ward) and they fed us hamburgers and grilled chicken. I legit
almost cried it was the most beautiful thing I think I've ever seen. They
actually asked me to give some service tonight that I might actually be pretty
decent at lol... they're having me come over and help their daughter out with
the ACT for an hour tonight. I'm really excited to actually be able to help
someone out here. We've been trying to help people, but nobody has listened to
us yet, so that's been decently interesting.
We're still waiting for the game plan. President is
pondering and praying about where to send me and what to do with me, so we'll
wait and see! I'm hoping that in the middle of this week I get sent out
somewhere to see if I can work through everything and make it out on the other
side! I've decided that I'm not going to let whatever this is beat me. That
would be so lame. I've been doing everything I can to get over whatever this
is, and I'm going to continue to do that until the Lord says I'm done! I'm
hopeful that that answer comes in 11 months. The Lord has a plan for me! I've
been listening to so many talks from past general conferences, and I've
realized that following God's plan isn't enough-we need to also embrace it. He
needs my mind and our Hear, not just mind. I've been working on giving Him my
heart as well as I am our here serving!
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